


Fading

by invisible_friend



Category: Hetalia: Axis Powers
Genre: Multi
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-09-22
Updated: 2014-09-22
Packaged: 2018-02-18 08:32:13
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,822
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2341832
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/invisible_friend/pseuds/invisible_friend
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A oneshot about Gilbert reflecting on his life as he is fading from existence.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fading

The cool wind blew over the dark hill softly, the night illuminated only by the moon. Gilbert sighed as the cool breeze blew over him, softly blowing his platinum blond hair about his face, as he gazed at the stars. His crimson eyes never leaving the beautiful little lights covering the night sky, he wanted to have endless nights like these, yet he knew that he only had a couple left. This could possibly even be his last. Gilbert had begun to fade from existence a while ago, he knew it was coming after all, he just hadn’t known when it was going to happen so it had been somewhat a surprise when he had started to fade. It was only little things; his skin getting paler, him being a little less energetic, being tired all the time, little things like that that weren’t extremely noticeable. Despite this he pushed through the exhaustion making sure that he still seemed the same loud, energetic person as always, he didn’t want any of the people he cared about knowing about this, especially Mattie. Gilbert sighed and closed his eyes, he liked to use this time to think, to reflect on the wonderful things in his life and just enjoy the cool night air that would eventually cease to caress his skin ever again. He remembered the first Christmas he had ever gotten Ludwig a present on his own.

_Gilbert smirked excitedly as Ludwig had rushed towards the largest present in the back. Of course his four year old brother would go for that first and luckily, being the awesome brother that he was, that giant present was from him. Gilbert had worked all year to get him the present, and for a seven year old it wasn’t easy to get three hundred dollars. “What is it Gil? What is it?” Ludwig asked excitedly inspecting the box._

_Gilbert smiled and shook his head “You have to open it if you want to find out kleinen Bruder” He said in an even voice gesturing towards the box._

_Ludwig looked up at him, blue eyes shining in excitement, before looking back at the box and carefully tearing the wrapping paper off. He saw Ludwigs hand freeze mid-air as the gift was revealed before he turned back to face his older brother “You got me a telescope!” Ludwig shouted before running up to hug Gilbert. “Danke! Danke Gilbert! You’re the best big brother ever! Ich liebe dich” He said beaming._

_Gilbert ruffled his little brother's hair, hugging him tighter. “Ich liebe dich Ludwig.” He said softly, a small smile on his face._

_That night the two of them had gone out after their parents had gone to sleep and set up the telescope in the gentle snowfall, spending the whole night out under the stars with a blanket, some hot coco, and Ludwigs new telescope._

Gilbert smiled fondly at the memory, letting his eyes flutter open to look back at the stars. Sure they were in a different country now, it was fall not winter, and he was older, but Gilbert could swear that the stars looked just as bright as they did that night. He moved one arm up reaching for the stars as if he could grab one and put it in his pocket to give to Ludwig for a last present. He was suddenly struck with a sadness a the realization that he was going to miss Christmas this year. He let his arm fall back to his side, moving it behind his head to be with the other one. He thought of his friends, Antonio and Francis and how they would react. They would be ruined, Antonio would cry a lot and Francis would probably go on a depressed rage like when his girlfriend Joan died. Gilbert still remembered when he met his two best friends.

_Gilbert crossed arms and leaned back in the desk he was currently occupying in the almost empty classroom. ‘Damn teachers and their stupid detention’ He thought kicking his feet up on the desk. It was his first week of his last year of middle school at the World Academy and he already had detention. There were only two other people in here, both boys. One of them was a blond with sapphire blue eyes and longer blond hair with fair skin and the other one was a brunet with a mess of curls on top of a tan head with emerald green eyes. The second boy was practically bouncing in his seat and looking around the room like he was about to burst. ‘Detention had just started how was he going to deal with the rest of the day?’ Gilbert thought. “I’m Antonio!” The brunette suddenly exclaimed,  he was Spanish judging by his accent._

_The blond boy looked up from his book “I am Francis” He said in a smooth voice, he had a strong French accent._

_“I am the great and awesome Gilbert!” Gilbert exclaimed._

_Antonio fidgeted in his seat “So, what got you guys in here?” He asked, eyes wide with  curiously._

_Francis sat up slightly “I got in trouble for flirting with a teacher.” He said simply, flipping his hair._

_Gilbert laughed “I bet she hated that.” He commented with a smirk._

_Francis turned to look at him “Yes, he hated it. He then proceeded to give me detention and tell me I needed god.” He explained with a smile, the other two boys bursting into laughter. “Now tell me mon ami, what are you in here for?” He asked Gilbert._

_Gilbert shrugged and leaned back into his seat “Apparently declaring to your world geography teacher that Prussia is a country and that I’m Prussian is some sort of crime or something.” He said nonchalantly. “That and I may have followed to curse him out in German.”  He added with a smirk._

_If only he hadn’t forgotten that the teachers speak the languages that the students speak. Antonio and Francis dissolved into laughter, Antonio even fell out of his desk he was laughing so hard. “Ah I can tell this school will be interesting.” Antonio exclaimed catching his breath._

_Francis turned to look at him “Are you new here mon cher?” He asked curiously._

_Antonio nodded “Si, I just moved to America recently from Spain.” He explained smiling._

_“So newbie what are you in for?” Gilbert asked._

_Antonio beamed “Oh yes! I got caught cheating on an english assignment.” He answered rubbing the back of his head “I guess I need to get better at that.” He said shyly._

_Gilbert laughed and moved next to him, he stuck out his hand “Stick with me kid and you’ll go far.” He said gesturing with his other arm._

_Francis nodded and put his hand on top of Gilberts “Oui, mon ami. We can be like the three musketeers, no?” He said smiling._

_Antonio somehow brightened up more and nodded excitedly, a smile plastered on his face as he added his hand to the pile. “Si! We can be the best of friends.” He exclaimed happily. From that day on the three of them were in fact the best of friends. Eventually they got the reputation as the bad touch trio due to all their ridiculous dares and escapades._

Gilbert snickered at all the memories from his ridiculous friends that meant the world to him. Like the time the Italian twins, Lovino and Feliciano, moved to America  and Antonio spent about a year trying to get Lovino to go out with him, to this day the two of them are still together. He remembered the look on Ludwig’s face when he met Feliciano and how Feli instantly stuck to his younger brother. Their relationship had always amazed him, Feli was always so bubbly, energetic, and loud and Ludwig was serious, quiet, and stoic, but they worked amazingly and made each other happy. He remembered when Francis met Joan and he had told Gilbert he had found the one who “était l' amour et la lumière de sa vie” to quote Francis. He had thought the two of them would be together forever. A year later, Joan had died of brain cancer, Francis was ruined for months, Gilbert thought his friend would never recover. Then this Brit, Arthur, moved to America and Francis fell in love almost instantly. It took Francis longer to get Arthur than it did Antonio to get Lovino, which was surprising considering that this was Francis. Both of Gilberts friends had chosen challenging people, but that was just how his friends were, always after the challenge. Then there was his own romance life. Gilbert smiled softly at the thought of Mattie, the day they met was ingrained in his mind and would be until the very end.

_Gilbert groaned running along the sidewalk as the rain poured down on him in large droplets. At this rate he was going to be late for his first day of sophomore year, great. He picked up the pace, glancing down at his phone to check how much time he had left when he bumped into someone and fell backwards with a “Scheiße!”_

_He heard a tiny squeak from the person he had bumped into and instantly looked up to see if they were okay. He lifted his head and came face to face with the most adorable person alive. The boy was small and pale, he had longish blond hair with a stray curl, and his eyes, hidden behind large glasses, were the most beautiful color Gilbert had ever seen, violet. Gilbert jumped to his feet and held out his hand “I’m sorry I wasn’t looking where I was going. Totally my fault I was in a rush are you okay?” He rushed out helping the boy up._

_The boy nodded “I-I’m fine, thank you.” He answered in a quiet voice looking down._

_Gilbert had to strain to hear the boy he was so quiet. He reminded Gilbert of a little bird almost, with how small and quiet he was. He smiled softly and looked at the boy, realizing he had a backpack. “Where are you headed Birdy?” Gilbert asked curiously._

_The boy looked up with a quizzical expression before looking forward. “Uh, World Academy High School. I’m new there, I just moved here from Canada.” He answered in that quiet voice and Gilbert recognised a hint of a French accent._

_Gilbert grinned “Well I guess it’s your lucky day Birdy, the awesome me just so happens to go to World Academy.” He exclaimed happily as he began to lead the boy to the school. “Oh I realized, I never asked your name.” Gilbert said suddenly looking down at the boy._

_The boy kept his eyes on his feet “I’m Matthew, Matthew Williams.” He answered quietly._

_Matthew. It had a nice sound to it, it fit him nicely. Gilbert smiled “I am the great and awesome Gilbert!” He exclaimed loudly, flashing a smile at Matthew._

_He blushed and looked back down “Pleasure to meet you Gilbert.” He said in that soft voice of his._

_Matthew, or as Gilbert called him Birdy, stuck with him the rest of the week, Gilbert showing him around and helping him to his classes which they luckily shared. A couple months later, Gilbert and Matthew started dating and now here they were, at twenty-two, still going out and in love._

Gilbert smiled at the thought of his Birdy, his heart starting to tug at the thought of him. He could remember everything he had ever done with Mattie, they were the memories he treasured the most. He remembered when he failed at remembering their anniversary and got yelled at by Francis, who happened to be Mattie’s cousin, and Mattie’s twin brother Alfred. Gilbert got him a giant polar bear as an apology present that Matthew named Kumajiro and carried everywhere. He remembered when Matthew invited him to one of his hockey games and Gilbert learned to never make Matthew angry when he was near a stick of any sort if he wanted to live. He remembered all the times that he had taken Mattie star gazing like he was doing alone tonight, how Mattie loved the stars and Gilbert taught him all the constellations and star names he knew. He remembered when Matthew had told him his eyes were like liquified rubies that were constantly swirling with emotion and were always amazing to look at. Mattie had said that his emotions were so obvious if you were to look in his eyes so Gilbert wondered if Mattie had seen the worry in them recently and wondered what it was for. He remembered their first kiss and their first time they made love and everytime after that. He remembered the way Mattie would look at him like he was the most important thing in the world and how bewildering it was that he thought that. What would happen to Mattie when he was gone? Gilbert suddenly had the urge to run to him, tell him everything and just cry with him, but he couldn’t, no wouldn’t, do that to Mattie. He wouldn’t let him see Gilbert vanish, cease to exist, that would be too much he could never put Mattie through that.

He remembered his lifelong best friend Elizaveta and all of the silly adventures they went on, even as adults. He thought about how lucky he was to have know her and how she made his life better. He remembered how everyone  used to think she was a boy because of how she looked and acted and the shock when they found out. He remembered setting her up with Lilly and how she protested until she saw Lilly and froze mid-word. There was the time when Liz teased him relentlessly for liking Matthew and every occasion she threatened to tell him if Gilbert didn’t. He remembered how she stood up for him when they were kids and beat up all the bullies since Gilbert couldn’t due to his poor health. Or when she ran him to the hospital in fifth grade because he had fell and cut himself and wouldn’t stop bleeding, she was always looking out for his health and wellbeing. Gilbert wondered what she would say or do in this situation if she knew, she would probably cry and try to fix it, he teared up just thinking about how wrecked she would be.

 Gilbert remembered all the holidays their makeshift family had spent together, all the little made up days they had, the birthday parties that ended up in too many bad pictures, the pranks and the fights. They always pulled through, they always stuck together and every bad thing made them closer. Gilbert only hoped his fading would bring everyone together not tear them apart. He knew that everyone knew this was going to happen eventually, they just had no idea it was happening right under their noses and that made him both relieved and remorseful. Relieved that he wasn’t worrying them and remorseful he didn’t say his proper goodbyes. Though he had written letters to every single one of his friends for when he was gone saying goodbye, something he had always hoped he would never have to do. He tried to imagine what they would do, tried to imagine how they would fix it, and hoped they could move on and be happy. That was all he wanted for them.

Gilbert sighed and breathed in the cool air that made up the night, enjoying the soft breeze that carried the cold air on it that reminded him of Germany, of home. He breathed in the smell of the leaves and dirt, the smell of winter and frost that hadn’t yet hit, the smell of being alive and physically there. He ran his hands over the soft grass enjoying the tickling sensation that he got from it and giggling in joy at the fact that he could still feel it in his hands at least. He took in deep breaths, feeling the cool air fill his lungs and leaving it slowly before repeating the process. He laughed for the sake of laughing, cried because he needed to and sang little happy songs he knew or made up because he could. By the time Gilbert had stood up the first lights of day were coming from the horizon and he smiled at the sunrise that was the beginning of the end. By now his arms were transparent, he was absolutely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to give in. So he faced the sunrise that he had always despised and smiled softly, closing his tear filled eyes to feel the soft breeze on his skin one last time. “It was an awesome life” He choked out as tears streamed down his face. By the time the sky was an explosion of color Gilbert had already faded in the wind.

 

**Author's Note:**

> So this is feels, yeah? Lots and lots of feels (at least as I was writing I had them)
> 
>  
> 
> Here are some translations because yeah  
> kleinen Bruder: little brother  
> Ich liebe dich: I love you  
> était l' amour et la lumière de sa vie: was the love and light of his life


End file.
